Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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