Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
