That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
