Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
