the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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