I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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