My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
