Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to wash the frat house off of me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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