none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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