The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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