just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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