in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
