He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
