you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
