Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
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Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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