I hate your face
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
