I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
