Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
