There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
