I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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