Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
