yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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