He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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