go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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