Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
