You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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