You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
