xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
