She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
