He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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