my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
