I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
