There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
