We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
