i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
