my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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