During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
