no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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