I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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