Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
