i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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