i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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