i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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