i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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