I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
