He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
