I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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