Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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