Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
