just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
