I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
