Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
