Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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