Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
