we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
this hospital has no fireball
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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