If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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