I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
