How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
