You work out of a Hotel?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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