RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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