you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
