Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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