Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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