hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
