is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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