for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
